As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized I’ve become more and more introverted. I enjoy the time with myself and opt to spend time alone than to actively leave home to socialize. I guess those walks along to class were glimpses at what my future held.
What’s incredible is the lesson I’ve learned from this. The Hana I’d known for so long was always so social and loved the hustle and bustle of a good social setting. If you were to tell that younger Hana that she’d choose nights in with YouTube and a smoothie rather than going out with friends, she’d be shocked. But Hana was evolving. And that evolution wasn’t random or coincidental, it was being hinted at through the enjoyment of those walks. We are all evolving, but are we noticing the hints?
The transition from that young and social Hana to the more inward-facing Hana was not an easy one. It’s uncomfortable and even unsettling to go from one state of being to another, is it not? The gap year I took before beginning my Masters felt very lonely. More and more, I had the urge to spend time on my own, but this urge was so foreign to me; I couldn’t tell where it was coming from. It made me feel like I wasn’t myself. Not only that, but I had to distinguish why I was having these more introverted tendencies. Was it because I truly wanted to spend time at home perhaps in self-care or reflection? Or I was exhausted from work/studies and needed some time to recuperate? Or was it lack of confidence, unlearning social situations, or anxiety? You can imagine the fun that is, right?
We’re not taught that evolution is apart of life so we find ourselves caught off-guard and always hoping to revert to a more comfortable and familiar version of ourselves so we can avoid the hard work of self-development. But that’s not realistic or feasible. And it also doesn’t have to be such an upheaval. The best person you can be is already inside of you, you can trust that. So if he/she is already there, then you better believe he/she is peeking out and giving you indications of your evolution. It’s when you start noticing that material items, your shoes, clothes and makeup no longer impress you. Or when you find yourself studying a certain passion more closely. Or when you start delving deeper into your faith. Take notes of those hints, embrace them and remember, who you are now doesn’t have to be who you are forever. Life doesn’t stop moving, so why not let ourselves transform to fit the best of its needs?