I remember a situation in which I walked into a room and said asalam alaikum to an acquaintance of mine. She looked at me but didn’t respond with alaikum asalam. When I repeated the greeting, I learned it wasn’t that she was ignoring me but it was more than that. She told me how in her home, saying asalam alaikum is rare. She wasn’t used to hearing it. But fast forward a few months and that same girl initiates the salam. She has conditioned herself to spread peace. Her habit of “less positive” speech (of just saying ‘hi’ or ‘hey’) was replaced with “more positive” speech (giving salam).
So how do we proceed to replace less positive speech with more positive speech and how can you do this if we especially struggling with using foul language? To make this task more practical and less daunting, here are some steps to follow:
- If you struggle with cursing, make a commitment to slowly drop that habit. Remind yourself it won’t happen in a day but it’ll take time. Don’t beat yourself up if you slip up. Actions are by intentions so keep that intention of trying to improve for the sake of Allah and keep at it iA.
- "Keep your tongue wet with the remembrance of Allah." - Prophet Muhammad pbuh
- Spice up the thikr you currently practice. For example, if you practice thikr (saying subhanAllah, Alhamdulillah, Allahu Akbar 33 times each) after each salat already, modify it by focusing on what you’re saying. Enunciate when you say alhamdulillah, really think about what you’re stating when you say alhamdulillah. “All praise is due to Allah...” What does this mean and specifically, what does it mean to you? Associate this word with meaning and feeling. This way, saying “alhamdulillah” becomes more pronounced in not just your language but your actions! Do the same with any regular duaas you say or Quran you read. Use your mind and spirit, not just your tongue.
- Schedule in more thikr: Ask a friend, teacher, mentor what their favorite duaa is and why. Listen to their answer, do you notice how the duaa is connected to a reason? Perhaps the prophet SAW specified a reward for that duaa or it just reminds the person of a peaceful place. Choose a duaa from the sunnah of Muhammad, memorize it and recite it everyday. Set an alarm on your phone to remind you if needed. Every now and then, add another duaa. What’s great about this practice is it freshens your worship up and it’s just another means of reward. It is a great way to strive for improvement in your worship of Allah. This is a habit I’ve personally found very beneficial.
- Be aware of your environment: Your environment will impact you psychologically whether you like it or not. Nobody is above this impact and with time, our interaction with our environment leads us to find certain things “acceptable” and others “unacceptable” despite what Allah has already declared. Check your environment, both the physical and virtual ones. This means the reality shows, the vines, the instagrammers you follow and even the books you read. Ask yourself “is Allah pleased with this,” “will this benefit my akhira,” or “would I watch/read this if the prophet SAW was with me.” If your environment is tainted with foul language, you may feel it’s more acceptable and incline towards using that same language.
- Don’t let emotions get the best of you:
- Smile: I didn’t just throw this in here. Smiling, even when you don’t feel happy, has been scientifically proven to improve mood. The sunnah makes more sense now, doesn’t it? It’s during difficult times or times of extreme emotions that we say things we wish we hadn’t. So if we can work to smile so we feel better, we can help buffer the effect of our negative feelings and promote positive feelings and God willing, positive speech.
- Work through your emotion: It’s only during tough times that we’ll be able to tell how well you’ve internalized watching your mouth. Remember this though, feeling angry, depressed, lost and afraid is NORMAL. Don’t suppress those feelings, but at the same time be careful not to let those same feelings become explosive. Once you’ve hit an emotional extreme and lost control, losing control of your tongue is second nature. You’re a human and these are human emotions, so work through them. If you can productively channel that emotional energy, you’ll be on a faster path to healing.
Above all, remind yourself of our beloved prophet’s words:
A man asked, “O Messenger of Allah, whose Islam is best?” The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Those from whose tongue and hand people are safe.”
H.Al